I confess
October 13, 2003 - 17:56
I came home to see that my email is flooded by all my aunts and cousins from my dad's side.Haha.Don't know why the recent family church camp started this "JOY" thingy that includes sending letters/email to tell your specific family members about something touching they have done for you and their attributes etc.Something like what we have done during psychology recently and made a few of my classmates cry.Wah,now also a bit teary here,especially my youngest aunt.
I must say I am very very very proud of being in this family and to learn about how they brought all of us up.Of love,forgiveness,generosity and care.Ample of those flooding around here.They are what made me today.And continues to touch me during the monthly family picnic and yearly parties.I remember whenever times get hard for me,I will go to begonia for family lunch and come home,refresh with energy and most importantly,love.To be loved is the best way to top up the supply of love in me.And my family,they are my asset.
When I came home today,I was quite bothered.I felt kinda being stretched too thin.Like today,I felt pretty helpless too.My boyfriend was sick in school and I couldn't be much of a comfort.And I know I am not such a girlfriend.I am capable of more.But now,I just cannot do it yet.During the cell group session yesterday,I was finally reminded of the importance of healing and completion of the grieving process.
I know I still grieve for the end of that relationship.I know that it is still in the process of recovery and healing.The more I look forward consciously to being well again,the longer the process seems to think.I think sometimes,I rush myself too much,resulting in a negative reaction.Just like when you are desperately looking for a cab,it never seems to come,but once you gave up,it arrived.
I am lucky that in this road to recovery,my boyfriend had been most understanding and accomodating.Sometimes,I am overwhelmed with guilt,that everything is so unfair to him.But I know the theory of giving and taking,sometimes,in life,things are unfair.The many things I am taking from him now,I am giving back in returns in other ways and will continue to give more in the future.
We just don't know how long more it will take.And I need to stop focusing on when things will be ok.At times,I am so occupied with those thoughts that I cannot focus on the present.
I just want to thank Dylan,for all the little things he has done to make everything better.
Get well soon,everyone,Noel,Chris,and Dylan.
A dream wedding
October 12, 2003 - 10:44
This is the most perfect example of how I'd want my wedding to be. Lovely.Pure bliss. Their wedding
Everything in place.
Crapping..
October 12, 2003 - 10:29
To fellow coursemates,try remembering the carpal bones by this:
"Scared Lovers Try Positions That They Cannot Handle". Crap siah.
Had a really funny dream last night.Going back to toiling books and notes.And being upset over the gain of weight.I need a control mechanism.
It will be so paiseh to go meet Boss and others in Dec with a ballooned figure and face.Haha.
Family gathering
October 11, 2003 - 22:02
I am back from a rare family gathering.Where every member of the 30 people household turned up.Although the noise level of the little generations were so bad,we did bond.Pretty well.In small little ways.And I realise how many little cousins I now have.The first batch of grandchildren,that's mine(I'm the oldest),have all grown up into fine young man and lady.All hands in hands with their partners,few had their driving license already,one working now,one doing good in studies,one getting married soon.It's amazing how time flies,and the old little house we gathered in,was the exact one we used to fight and play around every other weekend.
Then the second batch are all in primary school.And came the third batch,of toddlers and infants.It is amusing how humans are great at reproduction.But then,they do not recognise me anymore due to my obvious constant absence.Grandparents really treated me like VIP.Like everytime I will be turning up,they will throw a feast.Hahaha.
One of the bothersome thing today was to repeatedly explain what does OT means.And what on earth I will be doing in the future.Eventually,due to exhausation and them wanting to make Grandpa happy,I suddenly became a medical student.Argh.
The highlight was perhaps the food.Where we made the traditional hakka dish on my request.Since I said I wanted to "learn" how to cook it,I was made to do all the preparatory work,blah blah...really troublesome.And tiring.Then finally it was all done and the moment it was on the table,I scoped up this big container of food for Dylan.Then came all the protest,hahaha,but easily rebuted with a "what do you think I go to all the trouble for?"
Wonder what triggered off the gossip genes to start probing into my love life.Maybe after Yuwen's boyfriend came to drive them back to Sg,after they left,I was the target of all their questioning!Argh.But we were all talking on puns and metaphors..got a bit confusing after a while.
Haha.