yeah
January 26, 2005 - 19:50
LTA or TP is really efficient. my photolicense arrived today but unfortunately, as nobody was home, the registered mail got brought back and that means I got to tag my lazy bum down to collect somehow! argh.
I am quite happy that my clinicals went like so smooth?? I thought it was a disaster and i was really upset, to the extent of crying after my midway evaluation and my final was still filled with critism. yet, he gave me an A! a nice fat A. and the stupid case presentation I rushed through because of my driving lessons, came out another A too. so I am satisfied. wonder if that means it is 'good' clinical grades? do i have the chance to go oveerseas for clinicals? haha. but no $$$$$ leh. but if i got the chance, i will beg, rob, ask for sponsor, whatever!
ok, today I think i need to do some reflections on myself, i mean, we are friends now and we can be great with each other. just that maybe my attitude today wasn't that good. hmm, need to improve i guess. now that he is my friend, i should keep in mind to be more respectful and not treat him like my boyfriend. not that i treat my boyfriend badly, those with spouse will know, it is just natural! maybe it is like after a long time together, we just got too used to each other and boundaries go blur and you become the real you. ok, confusing.
went to chinatown with prof and had a long and tiring walk to get all the stuff for my jewellery making. well, i know i am famous for 5 min passion for stuff, so i guess shouldn't spend so much $$ on it. i have like tons of old stuff that i used to be crazy on, crossstitch, embrossing, sprayart etc. I love art n craft.
ok, can't wait to see my license and of course, will continue my car hunt this sat. actually, i am quite sure i will buy the charade. hmm...
thoughts.
January 26, 2005 - 00:11
I know i am supposed to be in bed but i just can't sleep, just finished completing my 3 puppets and other props for tomorrow. quite excited at the brillant idea of our puppet show.
You know, relationship is a funny thing.2 person can look very happy in a photo at one moment but you don't know what will happen to them in 10 yrs? you don't even know if they are indeed that happy together. a lifetime together is a long long time. a lot of patience, tolerance and determination.
sometimes, the thought of a lifetime is just o-so-scary to me. i guess, it is still not my cup of tea. I am never the sort who would want to marry early anyway.and kids? they can come way later. me and myself first. oops, and of course the lovely spouse, whoever it will be.
ok. can't meet my dearest jc friends this weekend. seems like everyone is always so busy. guess will spend the weekend buried in the 2nd hand cars market. hopefully will be able to drive away with one!
Somehow, in my heart, i feel troubled. I really would like to take more time and space. Someone gotta understand that.
Great weekend
January 23, 2005 - 19:14
i am feeling quite sian now, very tired but not going to sleep coz i have so much undone work. i am done for, i think my health psy has terrible progress, i don't know whether i am panicking for nothing or what but why does it seems like the presentation is so near yet i haven't got much done???
The weekend was great though, very interesting night out at an interesting place .. haha.. and interesting things done i would say.thanks.
ok, COE prices are soaring once again and my automobile issue is getting more and more complicated. what happen to my baby when i go overseas? who pays for her? who drives her? who maintains her? argh. And even if it is settled today, the car will only arrive in May! that's four long months away, shit.what am I supposed to do in the meantime? take bus to school and walk around? sigh. stupid.Ok, i am lazy.and i hate public transport.Why can't they air deliver the car instead of putting it on a ship and takes months to arrive. =(
Well, very excited that CNY is round the corner. may not have my car yet but i will drive others' around.
Just pray hard my dad nods his head at what i suggest!!!
Lots of crap
January 22, 2005 - 16:37
i am feeling quite tied down somehow. tied down by bad feelings. tied down by worries. tied down by a sense of helplessness.
It's my mum. it's always my mum, giving me headaches, giving me joy yet giving me sadness.I know it's been a long long time, like 2 months since we last spoke to each others. it's like that's so much things we should say to each other yet we cannot bring ourselves to. then in the end, we say bad things instead.
I guess my relatives may have painted a bad picture of me. money-minded daughter or something like that. thinking back, maybe days were a lot better when my mum didn't had so much money.it's just that she is so rich till I can't help but feel like having some of it. it's like i look at her and wonder, what the heck are you holding on to so much money for? give me some to study, achieve what i want etc right... yet she just stubbornly hold on and the more i nag her to give me, the angrier she got, then finally, the line snapped and here we are. like strangers.
But i really worry about her? i guess i do. after all, i have feelings for her. she's my mum. just that i don't understand why she has become the way she is today. while other parents happily dote on their children, she just doesn't want to dote on me. i know she used to spend a lot on me and i took it for granted and make her very disappointed with some of my heartless actions. sometimes, when i look back at the person i was and the words i actually managed to get out of my mouth, i really can't believe it is me.
money is the root of all evil? i don't know. maybe it's this so money minded me that drove dylan mad too. but money is definitely always not enough.like now, just buying one car is giving me headache. i wonder about the tons of cash sitting in my mum's bank and pout. is she being selfish or me being selfish? or is it that i am trying to get her to pay me back the pain and hurt she gave me in those years with cash? can it ever be paid back? will those wounds ever heal? we all moved on with our life, not mentioning much about it as much as possible. yet deep in our heart, it still hurts.
I don't hate her . I am just desperately finding a way to reconcile.and till now, i don't know how to.
I can't imagine, they are all growing without me around. i feel sad, thinking of that.
anyway, here's some pictures i took in my boredom.
Thanks to God though, that dylan and I, though no longer the same as we were, but we are working out things and learning much more about life and each other. We are growing, and miracles do happen.One day, we will be back together again.I have the faith.
car hunting
January 22, 2005 - 01:13
I am quite thrilled yet irritated at the same time.
Went on a long tiring car hunting trip and was like so tired. but then, the car i like will take 4 months to arrive while the car i like even more is costing a lot more than it should. sigh.
Anyway, i had a really good time out today. =)
The big day!
January 21, 2005 - 09:40
ok, i am happy. I know almost all of people who will possibly read my blog would have known it already but i shall say again - i got my driving license!
This is the biggest investment in my own money so far. I spent like $1.5 k on it? And funnily, although this was my first driving test, yes, i am a first time passer! My dad's so proud of that.keke.but I took 2 long years and 3 PDL to get here. Because I procrastinate and didn't bother taking my driving lessons at all. What a waste of $$$$ on PDL alone. Anyway, if I had failed, I would have to retake my advance theory. which would have sucks big time.
Anyway, I miss my driving instructor, he's really like a nice kind all tolerating father-figure to me! I like him so much, lessons were always filled with crap and laughter. People, he's a VERY great instructor, Ask me for recommendation, for driving i mean.
But then there's like no closure to the friendship, it's like once i got my license, he just say bye and went off. may be he is just too used to this thing.seriously, if not for his perfect guidance, I won't be so happy and thrilled today.
O yeah, this license has brought more joy than I expected. my dad and I actually had a proper conversation today on it. It's been such a long time since i talked to him. thinking back, I am either not home, or not up, or hiding in the room for some reasons or others on weekend and PH mornings. But today, I walked up to the breakfast table, sat down and read newspaper with him while showing him my proud score sheet. And we talked. So happy. He was laughing about my E brake failure. It's such a nice way to begin the day, seems like i really neglected my family.
I think all of the sudden, since i am so free now, i realised that i neglected alot of aspects of my life. Like my family, my friends, my hobbies, what I really like to do etc. I spent so much time fussing over my bf then and I completely lost myself somehow. Now, I am rebuilding things, I found new things in life.
But then again.I miss him somehow. Met up with him last night and had a good time as friends. But i know it's hard on him, terribly hard, I know like how geri told me, others won't understand him but i understand him the best. He wasn't bad, I wasn't good either. But time and alot of time will heal things.It always does.
now I am facing a whole weekend empty. But i shall make it fulfiling by doing lots of unfinished business! As for the empty seat besides my car, for the time being, I guess it will be my dad. since i need a lot of supervision on the road. haha, but dear all, i can drive ok and i am very careful at it somemore.
O ya, and i think i will be blogging alot coz i have so much to say and no any appropriate persons around me to listen. but i enjoy blogging =)